If it’s Time to Apologise, Do it Properly!

We all want to be right as often as possible. It’s our feelings of not wanting to fail that keeps us that way. And when we do fail or get something wrong we tend to find excuses and we are reluctant to admit that we are at fault.

This is often the reason why relationship suffer or even break up. A relatively minor event can become a major one if either of the people involved chooses to get on their high horse and come over all righteous. A relationship should never be about who is right and who is wrong. It should be centred around a determination on both sides to have as smooth and as peaceful a time together as possible. So when something does go wrong, and you are the one at fault, it’s time for you to apologise properly.

It was the author, Kimberly Johnson, who said: “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” What she meant was that it’s common for someone to say something like, “I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t started it.” The desire to lessen one’s liability is natural, but think of how the other person feels about this kind of an statement. They haven’t received an apology – they have just been told that they are as much to blame as you are, if not more so in fact.

Margaret Lawrence, the writer, must have lived in a well balanced home for she once said: “In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.” That’s how it should be. Everyone should be ready and willing to admit fault if and when they get it wrong. It’s a sure way to help any relationship along, and it can calm a stormy situation faster than anything else can, every time. A final quote comes from Canadian cartoonist, Lynn Johnston, who said: “An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.”

An apology should be heartfelt and honest. Admit that you blew it and don’t hold back. Get it all out and you’ll be surprised at how good it feels to do so. You’ll probably also be surprised at how well received you honest apology is. You partner may be fuming, but he or she will feel good to hear your apology, and they will usually feel better about you too as a result. It’s not uncommon for someone who has just had an apology to say something like, “Well, it probably wasn’t all your fault.” This is how tension can quickly be lessened.

Let’s remember too that a relationship is something you go into willingly. It also has to be assumed that you want the relationship to last. That’s why you should always stop and think before lashing out, no matter how angry something has made you feel. Even if you are not to blame for whatever has happened, there might be something you can apologise for. This can be all it takes for your partner to make his or her apology. Then you can both go back to being the loving people you really want to be.

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