How to Guarantee a Disasterous Date

Most articles list the ways to guarantee a successful date, and that certainly has its place. Sometimes though it can highlight a point more starkly if it is seen in the opposite light by pointing out that doing this, or saying this will guarantee disaster. With that in mind, here are 5 useful tips on how to guarantee a disastrous date.

1. The first way to destroy any chance of getting a second date is to turn up late for the first one. Of course, you shouldn’t be so late that your date has given up on you and left, just late enough to really annoy them. When you do finally turn up don’t offer any kind of explanation, and if your lateness is mentioned, look puzzled. This is showing a decided lack of respect and people hate it.

2. Don’t dress up for your date. Arrive in shabby clothes with uncombed and unwashed hair, and to add that special touch, have a slight rank body odour too. Nothing puts another person off more than the whiff of old sweat. This is perhaps the best way to guarantee a disastrous date. Another little tip in this vein is to make sure that there are food stains on your shirt or blouse. People love to stare at old dried up food stains in utter disgust.

3. Get drunk as soon and as quickly as possible. Unless your date is another alcoholic, they will hate having to put up with a drunk. Be an obnoxious drunk. Tell dirty jokes – lots of them – and laugh loud and hard so that everyone else in the room turns to look at you. Your date will be so embarrassed by the time you finish that the chances of date number two will have vanished completely. One great finishing touch to getting very drunk on your date is to be sick. This works particularly well in a crowded restaurant, especially if you do it all over someone, a waiter perhaps, who is passing.

4. Be rude and loud. Point out some aspect of his or her dress sense that makes no sense to you. Compare it to something your grandfather or grandmother once wore – at their own funeral. After that laugh a lot and make a lame apology when they look obviously upset. If they calm down at this point, stare at the offending garment again and quietly shake your head. This should shake them out of their complacency enough to label you an idiot.

5. Make body noises as often as possible. Passing wind always works well. Never admit it was you, or even acknowledge that it has happened. Burping is a good second best tactic. Do it loudly and say that in some countries burping after a meal is considered a compliment to the cook. While they stare at you in amazement, laugh manically and burp again.

Guaranteeing that you have a disastrous date is an easy thing to achieve. There are so many more things you can do that these 5 tip are just the tip of the iceberg. However, these can also act as 5 tips of what not to do if you want that second date. The choice is as always, yours!

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